


Just So I Can Feel Something

by smolsarcasticraspberry



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff, Flut, Porn with Feelings, Smut, and then you get hit with unexpected feels, it's that, me? write shiro being a bit dommy? haha what makes you think that, post crystal venom, shallura - Freeform, ya know when you start and you just go 'i'll write some quick smut for a friend'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-23 00:15:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12494104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolsarcasticraspberry/pseuds/smolsarcasticraspberry
Summary: Sometimes you can't sleep and the only thing that helps is fucking your co-worker in the break room cos you haven't been kissed in 10,000 years.OR: that time after Crystal Venom when Shiro and Allura hooked up on the sofas and tried to act like it didn't mean anything."Allura took a sip of her tea, hoping the hot steam would hide her blush, and leaned over to put her mug down on the coffee table. Her body shifted with the movement, and her hand drew away from Shiro's. To her surprise, his fingers tightened around her own. As if he didn't want to let go.She glanced down at his hand where it gripped hers, and then up at his face."Sorry," he said. "I just… I haven't been touched in a long time. It's nice.""





	Just So I Can Feel Something

**Author's Note:**

> This is a birthday gift for Lu, aka millennium-queen, based on her favourite headcanon that Shiro and Allura hooked up after Crystal Venom and that's why they're so flirty and comfortable with each other during Collection and Extraction. This was supposed to be short but uh... apparently I don't do "short" so it ended up being both longer and more feelsy than I had originally planned. But hey! Feelsy smut is apparently my Thing so uh... here it is!
> 
> Title is from "Touch" by Daughter.

* * *

_Give me touch_

_Cos I've been missing it_

_I've been dreaming of strangers_

_Kissing me in the night_

_Just so I c_ _an feel something_

* * *

Allura stared at the ceiling, and the ghost of lost memories ran circuits around her mind. Her father's voice, his own and yet - not. Changed by time and by synthesis and by the corruption of the Castle. And images - of her youth, of her childhood - all stored away and then set free, drifting on the air and vanishing…

She'd forgotten some of them completely. How strange.

She sighed and sat up in bed. The hour was late; well past midnight, deep into the sleepy silent stretches of the Castle's night-cycle. Everyone else would be in bed - resting, no doubt, after the turmoil of the day - trying to sleep off some of the confusion and fear. Allura should be doing the same thing, but rest wouldn't come. And if it was a straight choice between lying awake on a tearstained pillow or wandering the halls of the Castle alone, she'd take the Castle any time. It was too familiar to her to ever really be… what had Lance called it? "Creepy?" And at least a walk might dislodge some of the melancholy from her mind.

She stood and slipped her feet into her slippers. She fished out a dressing gown from the mountain of clothes on the back of her chair and wrapped it around herself. The Castle lowered the temperature at night, the better to simulate a natural environment, and the chill made her shiver slightly as she stepped out of her bedroom and into the halls.

Her walk took her aimlessly through the empty corridors, until a craving for something hot and sweet dragged her path inexorably towards the break room. Perhaps some tea might cheer her up. But when she reached the break room, she stopped in the doorway in surprise.

At this time of night, she'd anticipated having the room to herself. But Shiro sat on one of the sofas, a mug in his hand, staring listlessly at the ceiling. A slight frown creased his forehead, and his fingers drummed against the back of the seat.

Allura hesitated. But before she could decide between walking in and sneaking away, Shiro looked up and caught her eye.

"Princess," he said. He straightened up on the sofa and tried to look formal. The effect was somewhat ruined by the fact that he was wearing a short-sleeved t-shirt, black pyjama bottoms, and - she glanced down - ah, yes. Black fluffy lion slippers.

"I'm sorry," she said. "Am I interrupting? I can go…"

"No, no, it's fine. Come in if you want."

She debated excusing herself and leaving anyway, but Shiro smiled at her, and suddenly staying seemed like the best idea. It had nothing to do with the tiny flutter of excitement in her belly, of course. Nothing at all.

"What are you doing up so late?" Allura asked. She crossed the room to the kitchenette to make a warm drink of her own. Shiro's eyes followed her across the room, and she felt warmth in her cheeks that surely wasn't a blush.

"I can't sleep," he said. "You?"

"Same," she shrugged. She pulled a mug off the shelf and placed it under the drinks dispenser.

"You don't sleep as much as the others, do you?" she went on. "I've noticed humans sleep quite a lot, but you're always awake."

She caught his eye. The drink dispenser whirred into life, and hot tea spilled into the cup.

"I've never slept that much," Shiro said. "I sleep even less now."

Allura turned away from him and watched the steam rise from her mug as the tea brewed. She wanted to ask - about his sleep, about his trauma, about whether or not darkness haunted his dreams the way it did hers. In some small, selfish part of her heart she longed to hear him say that he had nightmares too.

"Do you have bad dreams?" she asked, before she could stop herself. Her hand closed around the cup of tea, fingers curling to grip the warm surface, and she focused on the swirl of the liquid in the cup, the curl of the steam as it rose, the scent of it on the air - anything to avoid turning around and seeing his face.

He must hate her for the question. For the invasion of privacy. For the assumption, and the boundary so casually crossed, and the disres--

"All the time."

She let out the breath that had somehow become trapped in her lungs. Her fingers trembled slightly as she picked up the mug and turned to face him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up bad thoughts."

"It's okay," he said. "You didn't."

She watched his face carefully, but he only looked tired, not annoyed. Allura crossed to the sofas and sat down - not quite next to Shiro, but certainly near him. Just for ease of conversation, of course. Nothing else.

"Can I ask what's keeping you up?" She took a sip of her tea and regarded him over the rim of her mug. His forehead creased into a frown, his eyebrows drawn close, storm clouds hiding in the grey of his eyes. That fringe of white hair flopped over his brow, and he swirled the cup in his hands and didn't look at her.

"I ejected Sendak into space," he said quietly. "I shouldn't have done it."

He looked so forlorn that Allura reached out to place a hand on his bare arm. The touch made him lift his head and meet her gaze.

"Personally? I'm glad he's off the ship," Allura said. "You can't blame yourself. Keith and Hunk told me what happened. The corruption of the Castle affected us all in different ways."

"But still, I just--"

"I almost flew us into a star. And put everyone in danger."

He glanced down at the place where her hand rested on his arm, and shook his head.

"Oh, come on, Allura," he said. "That wasn't your fault. The Castle had you seeing things."

"And the Castle had you hearing things," she countered. She lifted her hand from his arm and took a sip of her drink. In her rush to touch him, she had shifted slightly in her seat to face him, and now moving back or sitting further away seemed like it would be rude.

Shiro opened his mouth - and for a moment Allura thought he might challenge her on the matter again - but instead he looked away and placed his mug on the coffee table.

"So can I ask what's keeping you awake?" he said. "Or is this a one-way street?"

Now it was Allura's turn to hesitate. She paused, mouth open, breath ready to spill secrets - and stopped. But Shiro glanced up at her, and his expression was as soft and open as she'd ever seen it, and suddenly filling the silence didn't seem so hard.

"I was thinking about my father," she confessed.

Shiro shifted in his seat to face her, and the gentleness of his expression gave Allura the courage to continue.

"I know he's been dead for ten thousand years," she said. "But to me it feels like I saw him just a few weeks ago. I know he's gone but… I still had his AI. I had a way to talk to him. Losing that… It finally hit me. He's really gone. I'll never see him again."

Her fingers trembled on the mug again, and she traced the rim with her thumb, back and forth, back and forth.

"I'm sorry," Shiro said. "This must be really hard for you."

She nodded, but in truth just saying the words out loud had already eased some of the chaos in her mind. She met Shiro's gaze, and he offered her a soft smile.

"Thank you," Allura said. "Not just for… I mean. In general."

He frowned. "For what?"

She put her hand on his arm again, and this time he mirrored her gesture. The metal fingers of his prosthetic curled around her elbow; such a light touch for a hand made to do harm. Such a contrast to the warmth of his skin under her own fingers as she let them drift down towards his wrist.

"For everything," Allura said. "You've been there for me from the beginning, whenever I've needed it. You're always so reliable."

"I don't feel reliable," he said. "Half the time I don't even know what I'm doing."

"Oh, well that's a relief. I don't really know what I'm doing either."

For a moment, he sat stiff and stern, trying to play the leader even in his fluffy lion slippers. And then he laughed - a huff of breath, a shake of his head, his lips tugged up into a smile. His left hand shifted under her grip, and he ran his fingers down her forearm until they curled into the palm of her hand.

"We're not much of a team, are we?" he said, and the smile stayed on his face even as a hint of red blushed into his cheeks and sped away.

"I think we're an excellent team," Allura said. She let her thumb brush over Shiro's pinkie, just once, just lightly. His hand felt pleasantly strong under her touch, and she wondered why she'd never let herself hold it before.

"You're better at this than I am," Shiro said, eyes fixed on her hand where it rested in his. "Leading, I mean. Being in charge."

"I'm a princess. I'm good at putting on a brave face but… really, without you? I'd be lost."

He looked up, and his eyes widened at the admission, and Allura wondered where it had come from. A place of hidden truths, no doubt. This late in the evening, she didn't have the strength to deny Shiro's importance. They were hours past midnight, deep into the wild, reckless watches of the night.

"I'm not sure if I should be flattered or worried."

"Why worried?" Allura asked, amusement leaking into her voice.

Shiro shrugged. "Neither of us seem to know what we're doing, and we're both just leaning on each other and hoping to figure it out."

"Is that not how a team works?"

He laughed again. _I could get used to that sound_ , Allura thought - just like she could get used to his touch, if she let herself.

"I feel like we shouldn't tell anyone else about this."

"Of course not," Allura agreed. She smiled at him, and his eyes lit up for a moment; an endearing flash of warmth and vulnerability that made his whole face soften.

Allura took a sip of her tea, hoping the hot steam would hide her blush, and leaned over to put her mug down on the coffee table. Her body shifted with the movement, and her hand drew away from Shiro's. To her surprise, his fingers tightened around her own. As if he didn't want to let go.

She glanced down at his hand where it gripped hers, and then up at his face.

"Sorry," he said. "I just… I haven't been touched in a long time. It's nice."

He held her gaze, cheeks flushed pink, eyes sparkling, and Allura's breath hitched in her chest.

_I haven't been touched in a long time._

And how long had it been for her? Since she'd been held, or touched, or wanted?

She leaned forward and kissed him. Suddenly, out of nowhere, riding some reckless urge that arose from the depths of her heart. It took him by surprise; and then the stiffness faded from his body and his lips parted beneath hers and he kissed her back. She tasted his tongue against her own - the hot sweetness of him mingled with the bitter echo of the tea - and he kissed her like he'd been waiting for it his entire life.

She pulled away long enough to hitch up her nightgown and straddle his lap, and he welcomed her with his hands on her waist, as if that were her throne and customary position. She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him again, all the more urgently now she knew he would return it in kind, and his arms wrapped around her and her fingers combed through his hair and she melted into him.

He pulled back. Reluctance and doubt chased across his face, and his gaze darted from her eyes to her lips as he fought for breath.

"I'm not sure this is a good idea," he said.

"I'm not asking for it to mean anything," she said. "I'm not-- it doesn't have to be serious. I just want to be touched. Please. I just--"

But she didn't get to finish. Shiro cut her off with a kiss; a wordless affirmation of understanding. _I haven't been touched in a long time._ No wonder his hand fisted in her hair in unspoken desperation. This had nothing to do with common sense or romance or team dynamics. The grip of his hand on her thigh; the way his t-shirt bunched up in her fingers; the thrum of her heartbeat in her chest. This was nothing but pure need.

She shrugged her robe off her shoulders, let it fall somewhere on the floor. Shiro broke away from her lips and kissed lines down her jaw and into her neck, and Allura threw her head back and clung to him as he sent fire flowing through her veins. Her eyes fluttered open - and she remembered where they were.

"Quiznak," she gasped. "Hang on--"

She lifted her hand from Shiro's shoulder and summoned a glowing blue screen from mid-air.

"Turn on privacy mode," she commanded. The doors locked with a distant clunk; the lights dimmed from their usual bright blue to a warm golden glow. Allura dismissed the control screen with another wave of her hand.

Shiro gazed up at her in adorable confusion.

"Wait-- does this room have some sort of hook-up mode?" he asked.

Hook-up…? Right. An Earth expression.

"That's not exactly how I'd describe it."

His lips twitched in amusement. "I have so many questions about Altean culture."

Allura huffed at the distraction.

"Can they wait?" she demanded. She grabbed the hem of her nightgown and pulled it off over her head so that she sat naked in Shiro's lap, thighs framing his waist, strands of hair escaping the braid she'd woven for the night.

His eyes went wide at the sight of her. And then he grinned - pure joy, breathless appreciation - everything mixed up in the sparkle of his eyes and the curl of his lips.

"Definitely," he chuckled, and shifted up and pulled her close and kissed her again.

She needed more of him - the touch of his skin against hers. Her fingers found the edge of his t-shirt and she pulled at the fabric, rough in her impatience, until Shiro relented and broke away from her lips long enough to let her tug the shirt over his head.

Scars criss-crossed his chest - and Allura no longer felt the need to ask him about his nightmares, because the shape of them lay before her, carved into his flesh. A ring of teeth marks around his shoulder - whatever monster had made that, it must chase him through the dark, surely. The lines of blades and claws raked across his torso - did he dream of the ones who wielded them? Did he dream of dying? Or did he dream of killing them, one by one, relieved only that the blood staining his hands was not his own?

Later. She'd ask him later, maybe. For now, she chose to push him back against the sofa and kiss down his neck, run her fingers across each angry line and ridge, chase away the darkness and the nightmares and the monsters with her hands and tongue. It seemed the wisest course of action, especially when Shiro's hands tightened around her, his palms skimming up her back and then down, gripping her thighs or her shoulder or her neck as he ground against her.

He grew hard beneath her, and Allura shifted in his lap to rub against him until he groaned.

"Allura," he slurred - eyes half-closed, breath ragged - and he surged up to kiss her, her face cupped in his hands, pressing their bare bodies against each other.

He felt warm, and strong, and she wrapped her arms around his neck and let herself fall into the feel of him. His left hand quested up her side and found her breast, and she gasped against his mouth. She ached for him, in the heart of her - or maybe not for _him_ , maybe just for _anyone_ , for someone, and maybe he was just _there_ and willing and just as needy as her - and if that was all it ever meant she'd still take it.

His hands left her body and his hips bucked up against hers as he slipped his pants down his thighs. Allura took in the sight of him, and a surge of intense desire robbed her of breath, made her cunt twitch, slick wetness pooling in her core as Shiro's hands braced on her thighs.

She had to have him inside her.

She rose above him - and there was a moment of fumbling, of uncertainty, of his hands slipping between her folds to find her opening - and then she lowered herself onto him.

She groaned as she filled herself with his length. She'd waited centuries for this, surely. She'd slept away the eons just so she could wake up for him.

Shiro's hands gripped her hips, and she rocked on him, lips pressed breathlessly to his as she rode his cock. She didn't bother going gently. There didn't seem to be any need. She took him deep inside her, in long steady strokes that drew delighted groans from his lips. He ran his hands up her back - kissed down her neck - dug his fingers into her thighs until she gasped his name.

He sat back on the sofa - the better to look at her, she realised, because his gaze ventured over her body as she moved on him. His eyes went wide.

"You're glowing," he said breathlessly.

Allura glanced down, although in truth she already knew from the tell-tale tingle deep in her skin that her marks were glowing pink. Quintessence thrummed within her, a rhythmic pulse of power in harmony with the rock of her hips, and the marks on her body lit up with each thrust.

"Is this supposed to happen?" Shiro asked. His eyes strayed from the dusky curls on her shoulders to the bright spirals that spread across her belly.

She huffed a laugh at Shiro's awed expression.

"It's a good sign when it does," she gasped.

He grinned. He put his left hand on her waist and brushed the marks on her belly with his thumb. His hand roamed upwards, across the curve of her breast, palm rubbing the tight peak of her nipple. His fingers brushed the glowing pink lines on her shoulder and curled around her neck. He cupped her jaw in his palm, his eyes locked on hers, and slipped his thumb into her open mouth.

She welcomed him between her lips; swirled her tongue over the pad of his thumb and sucked on its thickness. Shiro grinned, and she wondered if he liked seeing his hand in her mouth as much as she liked having it there. Power surged through her again, throbbing between her legs. Her clit ached, and she could tell from the tingle of energy that if she glanced down she'd see it faintly glowing along with the marks on her inner thighs.

Shiro did glance down - and his eyes lit up in delight.

"Good sign?" he breathed, and his thumb left her mouth as he reached for her waist.

"Really good," Allura managed, too undone by desire to think straight.

Shiro trailed his hand down her belly, eyes fixed on the point between her thighs that glowed like a star. He dipped his thumb between her folds and found the hot nub of her clit, and she cried out as he teased at her.

"Like that?" he asked, out of breath and totally in awe, watching the glow in her marks ebb and flow with each thrust of her hips, bathed in the pink light of her pleasure.

Allura could only nod. Wordless cries of enjoyment broke from her lips, and she bucked against his hand and his cock. He met her gaze, and his right hand circled her back and pressed between her shoulder blades. He rocked his hips up to meet hers, matching her thrust for thrust, eyes bright and intense.

He rubbed her clit with his thumb, and she saw stars - felt quintessence rise under her skin - felt the onrushing burst of desire. She gripped his shoulders and arched into him and came hard. She cried out - helpless, breathless - clenched tight around his length, pleasure pulsing through her even as her marks shone pinkish-white.

Shiro stroked her through the throes of it, and when she finally had breath to open her eyes she found him smiling up at her. He leaned up and kissed her, his tongue warm and soft as he teased at her lips, and it was easy - so easy - to dissolve into that kiss and return it like for like.

His hands gripped her hips and he urged her to resume her rhythm. In the rush of her ecstasy she'd fallen still, but now she rocked on him with more urgency than before. He thrust his hips up to meet hers and she felt him deep inside her and bit her lip at the sensation.

She was more sensitive than ever, now. Every mark on her body lit up - every inch of her skin tingled. Shiro's hands quested over her back; his lips traced the pink lines on her shoulders, and she shivered and gasped under his touch. Desire coiled within her, and she threaded her fingers through Shiro's hair and breathed his name against his neck.

He met her gaze - kissed her again and again - and even without glowing marks adorning his skin she could tell how much he was enjoying this.

He picked her up without warning. One minute, she was straddling his lap; the next, she was on her back on the coffee table, Shiro on top of her. A mug tumbled away onto the floor, unheeded and ignored.

Shiro thrust hard inside her, and she cried out and arched off the table, her body pressed against his even as he buried himself deep inside her.

"Stars - Shiro - please--"

Desperation made him rough, and he didn't need her encouragement. His lips burned hot trails across her neck and chest as he fucked her; his fingers curled around her wrist and pinned her arm to the table as he went fast and deep.

"Allura," he murmured in her ear - just her name, like a prayer, voice rough with desire and need. "God - Allura…"

"You feel so good," she gasped - unwise words escaping her like restless ghosts. "Don't stop - please--"

She lifted her legs and wrapped them around his waist, and he responded with urgent desire. Allura clung to him - fingers digging into his back - as if her very life depended on it. Shiro captured her lips in a kiss - released her wrist so he could grab the edge of the table - and he thrust harder, his wordless cries mingled with her own.

She blazed pink - bright enough to cast a rosy glow over his face, his eyes, the cut of his jaw - his hair, damp with sweat, the white of it stained pink by the power that cascaded out of her. For a moment she thought she saw marks on his face, too - white crescents beside his eyes, faintly glowing like her own - but it must be fancy, surely. An illusion brought on by the haze of her desire. She gripped his hips and urged him on, chasing her release, not caring how desperate she seemed. The heady ache of pleasure threatened to spill out of her at any moment.

"Shiro," she gasped, and he lifted his head to meet her gaze. She saw need in his eyes - and marks or no marks, she knew how much he wanted her, the desperate ache that filled him and drove him to thrust deep and hard into her cunt.

She reached the edge and tipped over, crying out as she came, riding the surge of pleasure that engulfed her. Quintessence pulsed within her, throbbing in her veins, and her marks lit up like supernovae in the night sky. Shiro's breath came ragged in her ear, and his cock twitched inside her, and then he thrust hard and came with her name on his lips. She held him through it, still giddy with her own release, and for one long moment they lay interlocked on the table, struggling for breath.

Allura let her hand drop to her side, and Shiro lifted his head from the crook of her shoulder and caught her eye. He smiled at her, face flush with pleasure, and bent down to press soft kisses to her lips and cheeks. The marks beside her eyes still glowed faintly, and his warm breath against the sensitive pink made her shiver.

As her heartrate returned to normal, a thought occurred to her.

"You know people eat on this table, right?" she whispered.

For a moment, Shiro looked confused. And then he dropped his head and laughed, shoulders shaking, and a tangle of Earth cuss-words tumbled from his lips against the bare skin of her shoulder.

"I didn't really think this through," he confessed.

_Neither did I,_ Allura thought, but she left it unsaid.

He slipped out of her, and with some undignified scrambling and amused giggling they made it back to the sofa. And somehow Allura found herself straddling his lap again, just because. Just… because.

Shiro ran his hands up her sides and gazed up at her, and she tried to ignore the fondness in his eyes and the softness in his expression but it was hard - so hard - when a part of her didn't even want to ignore it.

Down that path lay… complications. Distractions. Divided attentions.

_And more nights like this, and more smiles and more laughter and his lips on your skin and his hands in your hair and--_ no. No. She couldn't.

_Why not?_

"That was. Uhm," Shiro said.

Allura huffed a laugh, and let herself kiss him - an act of pure self-indulgence that somehow felt more right than holding back.

"I liked it," she whispered, and he smiled into the tiny space between their lips.

"Yeah. Same."

She sat up and traced lines along his shoulders, following the ridge of those teeth marks.

"You won't tell anyone about this, will you?" she asked.

He shook his head. "Of course not."

"Thank you."

"So… why does this room have a privacy mode?" he asked. His hands settled on her hips and his thumbs drew idle circles on her skin, flesh and metal in parallel.

Allura shrugged. "In case people want to talk without being disturbed. Or have intimate meetings. Or… romantic encounters."

"So it _is_ a hook-up mode?"

"It's not a hook-up mode!" she protested. She mussed Shiro's hair, not really annoyed but trying to pretend, and he gave her a cheeky grin.

"Really? No one ever used it for stuff like this?"

"Well… I suppose. Sometimes…"

She deflated, and Shiro laughed, and he reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and she suddenly didn't care.

"Fine," she admitted. "It's the setting for casual sexual encounters. Is that what you want to hear?"

"Yes," he said, and he cupped her face in his hand and kissed her, and now she really didn't care at all, about anything except how good he felt.

_You can't have this,_ she reminded herself, but a tiny, treacherous voice in the depths of her soul whispered back: _You could if you wanted to. You know he'd say yes. In a heartbeat. You just have to ask him._

"I should get back to my room," she said, before any other words could come out.

He nodded, and didn't protest when she stood up and reached for her nightgown. He turned away as she dressed, and when she turned back she found him pulling on his t-shirt and slipping his feet back into the fuzzy lion slippers.

"Thank you for… this," she said. "Should I…?"

She gestured at the table, and the tea mugs lying on the floor.

Shiro shook his head. "I'll clean up. Don't worry about it."

He smiled at her, and she smiled back, and

_\--threw her arms around him, kissed him again, clung to him, dragged him back to her room to tear his clothes off once more, pushed him onto her bed and let him fuck her any way he wanted, moaned his name against his skin as she came undone again and again until she fell asleep beside him, wrapped up in his arms, utterly content--_

It flashed through her mind in a heartbeat, and she turned away before she could act on it.

"Turn off privacy mode," she ordered, and the lights brightened to white and the doors unlocked.

She risked a last glance over her shoulder.

"Goodnight, Shiro," she said, and she slipped out into the hallway and left him standing there, still gazing after her even as she walked away.


End file.
